“Talking about baby loss is never going to be easy, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk about it.”

 

For PC Emily Gibson, the Force’s Baby Loss Peer Support Group has provided ‘comfort’ following an emotional, challenging and traumatic parenting journey.

 

Rewind 13 years, when Emily was pregnant with her second child. Her pregnancy had initially seemed ‘straightforward’ - and with her first son, Noah, by then a thriving toddler, she thought there was no reason to worry.

 

However, half way through the pregnancy Emily and her husband were given the devastating news that their unborn baby was not developing as expected and would not survive had he been born full term. This meant they had to have a medical termination.

“The news came completely out of the blue. We had had no issues with our first pregnancy,” recalled Emily, now 44.

 

The couple’s second baby, a little boy called Finley, was delivered at 20 weeks.

 

Lots of testing and uncertainty followed before Emily was diagnosed with a chromosomal abnormality, a balanced translocation, that would affect 50 per cent of her eggs.

 

“The only way I felt I could cope was by getting pregnant again, I needed to fill the void that Finley had left,” admitted Emily.

 

Sadly, two more pregnancies followed and ended in the same way with medical terminations: the first at 11 weeks and then the second, a twin pregnancy, was also terminated at 11 weeks, with both babies affected with the chromosomal abnormality.

 

 

Emily continued: “That time was horrific. It was the worst time of my life. I can’t describe the pain and heartache I felt - both physically and mentally.

 

“And it was hard for those around me too. My loved ones didn’t know what to say - I even lost friends because I had become so focused on getting pregnant and then all the testing and the horrendous waiting for results that followed. It became all-consuming.

 

“Grief is a very lonely process and, for me, the process was definitely very lonely.”

 

‘Antenatal Results and Choices’ (ARC), an organisation that supports parents who find themselves in a similar position to Emily, became her crutch.

 

“I would call ARC almost daily, just to try to make sense of what was going on,” said Emily, who has also received extensive therapy following her losses.

Emily then went on to fall pregnant with Florence, who is now 12 and ‘perfect’.

 

“Being pregnant with Florence was extremely nerve-wracking. I felt worry, anxiety and panic - I developed health anxiety, which I still experience today,” she said.

 

“Both Noah and Florence are so special. And they know about Finley. We have a candle at home that we light for him on his birthday, and my husband designed a tattoo for me in his honour which I have - it’s so personal to me.  That really helped my healing as I feel like Finley is always with me, every day, wherever I go. We visit the baby garden in the cemetery where he is buried as often as we can.”

 

Emily joined the police five years ago and has since become a member of the Force’s Baby Loss Peer Support Group.

 

“Having that network around me is really helpful. It’s the first time that I’ve openly discussed what happened with those outside of my loved ones,” Emily continued.

 

“The group is a comfort, and it almost gives you permission to feel sad and grieve - however long ago your experience happened.

 

“I wish I had had that network around me when I was experiencing baby loss. At the time, I just wanted to know I wasn’t alone.

“And having those people around you gives you an opportunity to open up. It’s good to talk. It might be painful to talk about baby loss, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk about it.”

 

Emily is also one of the volunteers within the group, now offering peer-to-peer support to others experiencing pregnancy loss. 

 

“I’m now able to use my own experience to help others and hopefully provide some sort of support and comfort to my colleagues who might be going through something similar to me,” she ended.

 

Any member of South Wales Police can refer themselves to the Baby Loss Group by e-mailing: BabyLossPeerSG@south-wales.police.uk. Alternatively, a line manager, colleague, occupational health or force councillor can refer police officers and staff of all genders and ages to the group.