“I think baby loss is still a taboo subject, especially for men. Having a network available allows us all to talk in confidence while supporting one another.”

Stuart (Stu) Wilby and his wife, Anna, a South Wales Detective Sergeant, fell pregnant shortly after they married in 2022. That was the plan - to get married and to start trying for a baby as soon as they were wed.

However, just before their 12-week scan, the couple were given the devastating news that they had miscarried.

Now, Stu, an avid member of the South Wales Baby Loss Peer Support Network, is sharing his experience to not only raise awareness of the group but also help break down barriers surrounding baby and child loss.

“We conceived early on, but then, at around 10 weeks, my wife started to experience bleeding,” said Stu, a 34-year-old sergeant, who has been with South Wales Police for nine-and-a-half years.

The couple went to the hospital, only to be told there was no heartbeat.

“It was rough,” continued Stu,“My wife had a very difficult time, as the bleeding continued for nearly five weeks.

“She was in pain, and I felt useless. And because it’s the person who carried the baby physically experiencing the miscarriage, I think it can be easy to forget that the other person is mentally hurting too.”

Baby loss

Stu said that although he was open to talking about what had happened, he found that his peers did not know how to react.

“I was empty and broken,” he said, “But there didn’t seem to be any form of support out there for people who had experienced miscarriage or baby loss.”

It was then that Stu decided to get in touch with Sergeant Alison (Ali) Robinson, who was in the infancy of creating the Baby Loss Peer Support Network.

“The network provides a safe space for people - men and women - to talk in confidence with others who have shared similar experiences and to support one another,” he said. “It also gives you permission to get upset.”

Stu is now one of several volunteers available via the group who people can speak to if they want a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on 

“If people want to shout, they can. If people want to cry, they can. People can express whatever emotion they want. We are here to listen,” explained Stu, who said the network also signposts people towards other organisations and charities that provide help or support with baby and child loss.

Grief

“Everyone processes grief differently, and that’s OK. I suppose sometimes it helps to speak to someone else who has had to support their loved one during a miscarriage. In some cases, that helps people open up.”

Stu and Anna have since had a son, Theo, who is now 13-months-old and thriving.

Any member of South Wales Police can refer themselves to the group by email. Alternatively, a line manager, colleague, Force counsellor or occupational health can refer officers and staff of all genders and ages to the group.

READ MORE: Mental health group prove it's good to talk.